Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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