please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
