I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
