This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
