you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
