I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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