You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
