Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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