Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
