I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize