based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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