That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
