I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Quick, to the slutcave!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
50% drunk capacity currently
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
