now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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