So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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