just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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