Rock
Scissors
Fuck
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
