I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
