Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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