I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
