My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
