She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
