Hey man sorry I got all grabby
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
