my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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