I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A bitchslap is in order.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
