Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
How's work?
Spinning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
