She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
