You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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