Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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