she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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