So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
