you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
