how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
