All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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