After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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