I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
