I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
