I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
