My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
