batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
