guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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