By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
