Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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