Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize