I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
