My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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