Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
