I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
