I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
