hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
