Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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