Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
