Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
