the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I need water and some morals
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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