Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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