Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
