GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
My breasts were aching with rage.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
