Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
