Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
