i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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