From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
