Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
