So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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