The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
