one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
