After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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