i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
