I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
