You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
