I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
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