It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
