Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
